I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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