you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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