The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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