We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
