would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Randomize
