I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
