remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
