I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
