She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
