I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize