Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
All the doctor said was why
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
