I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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