FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
