I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
