he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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