what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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