Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
