Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
