Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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