Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
