I queefed so loud it echoed.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
