dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
