i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
