no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
