apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
