I don't usually arrange sex via text message
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
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