If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
