'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
