Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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