You're my little dorito
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
