is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
my liver is dry heaving
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
