why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
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