no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
