Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It's rum buckets o'clock
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
