eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
