I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
