I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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