Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
