hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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