Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
