I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So much rum. So many feels.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
