Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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