You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
