White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
