I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
