Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
