I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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