I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
