thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
