people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
