what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize