Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He is an equal opportunity slut.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
