come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
