how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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