Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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