I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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