I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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