i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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