My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
