I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
