Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
