I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
