I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
