Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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