I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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