So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
