Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
