I should be sponsored by Trojan
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
