So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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