i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
