He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
