My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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