Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize