there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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