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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.

  (1-608): View more from Wisconsin

  You eat cookies in the shower?

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  You are a booty call, not a friend.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.

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• (563): View more from Iowa

  What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?

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• (714): View more from California

  Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?

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• (904): View more from Florida

  would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?

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• (763): View more from Minnesota

  Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason

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• (714): View more from California

  He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.

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• (646): View more from New York

  I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole

  (516): View more from New York

  Hahaha oops.

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• (716): View more from New York

  Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak

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