Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
