I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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