11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
