she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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