there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
