Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
