I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
