My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize