she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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