I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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