His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I've blown a few things in my day
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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