I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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