dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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