found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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