Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
