I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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