Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
