i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
