pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize