Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
