sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
